An Army of Authenticity

Inner Circle May Newsletter

Dear Inner Circle,

I’ve been contemplating what to write to y’all this month. I’ve considered a variety of topics, but none have yet resonated to completion.

Perhaps this will.

It’s becoming apparent to me in new ways that what I offer to my clients, and indeed, in all of my relationships, are two essential practices: (1) opportunities for my clients to become more in tune with themselves, and (2) opportunities for my clients to learn to attune to me.

While these practices are two sides of the same coin, and the skillsets built in each practice complement each other, they also differ.

We tend to think of therapies, counseling, and coaching as opportunities to attune to ourselves. Who am I? What do I want? How can I feel more me? How can I alleviate excess stress in my life in a way that maintains my integrity? Etc.

A competent facilitator, mentor, or guide at least offers this side of the coin, which requires that they ‘stay out of the way’, or refrain from projecting their negativity or bias onto the client while also holding high, open, and positive expectations for the potential of those in care.

This in itself is challenging. It’s no small feat to refrain from putting onto other humans our negativity, shadow, and bias. Learning to ask genuinely open questions, instead of offering leading questions or excessive direction, to recognize when one is utilizing an overly dogmatic lens, and to lean into trusting the organic path of another’s mind, body, and heart is to conquer the small ‘s’ self.

This is why much of the modern healthcare industry has encouraged deep emotional separation between client and provider: it’s much easier, in some ways, to not project when we’re not attached, immersed, or intimate with those we work with. Transference and countertransference become avoidable because we don’t encounter as many opportunities for them.