Authentic vs. Inauthentic Ego

Your Personality Is Vital

Let’s parse some important nuance.

All too often in spiritual and self-awareness cultures, the ego is shamed.

“Ego” is perceived and spoken of as something to dissolve, let go of, or move away from, point blank.

In my opinion, this vague conceptualization is significantly harmful at the individual, societal, and collective levels. We seem to be demonizing the self, the personality, leaving little to no room for individual opinion, unique identities, or appreciation of difference. Ironically, these aspects of individualism are often praised in self-awareness communities, often right up to the point that the differences become significant enough to threaten the common story, or dogma, of the group.

As I’ve detailed before, I feel it’s best for humans to aim for interdependent relationships- a balance between codependency and independence. This is a style of relating that claims personal responsibility and independent identity while also employing compassion and an honest recognition that we can accomplish more in groups than we can ever hope to achieve as individuals; this is assuming that an effective group is in place.

Still, interdependent relating REQUIRES an independent identity. This is an identity, or a personality, that ultimately leans on itself for validation, decision-making, and self-conceptualization. Without this practice of self-trust, we fall into groupthink, unconsciously playing follow-the-leader while believing that the group consensus is just that harmonious.

If we want to optimize as a collective, we must be able to recognize and utilize the value of disagreement, listening to and understanding a variety of perspectives, and not being offended by the differences. Furthermore, we must be willing to both refine our opinions based on intelligent feedback and stand up to emotionally manipulative ploys.

We operate best in groupings when integrating everyone’s autonomy. No censorship, no pity, no victimhood, and no martyrdom, just a bunch of humans doing the best they can, first and foremost to be in integrity with their individual personalities.

The Latin word ego means “I”. The pedestal created in many spiritual and self-awareness cultures places those who strip away their sense of self into a place of honor.

What exactly is under this sense of self though? What is being revealed as the personality is stripped away?

Simply put, the individual personality is replaced with the cultural personality.

As the individual ceases to push against the pressures of their most intimate cultures (a beneficial pressure, that refines both individual and culture over time), they melt into simply another face of the local society. The individual begins to parrot the cultural dogma, and of course, they receive abundant positive reinforcement from their innermost circles. These innermost circles might be friends or family, but they might also be people online, role models, or an ideology- really the innermost circle is whoever the individual is looking to most directly for validation.

Often the innermost circle reinforces this melting of the individual personality by applauding the changes as conscious, enlightened, or divine- indicating that what is under the ego is of a higher order. But nothing is higher here; nothing is being built or refined. The individual’s unique form is simply being eroded down to reflect the personality of the group, and the individual is getting high on the dopamine and serotonin that come from the external validation of such pursuits.

All in the name of “self” awareness…

So, here’s my proposed nuance on the topic: There is both authentic and inauthentic ego.

Inauthentic ego is what self-awareness communities are referring to when they reference the benefits of letting go of ego. Inauthentic ego is destructive, both to the individual self and to the collective; think imbalanced, unhelpful levels of fear, repression, and excess. Authentic ego is constructive; think honest, balanced, accepting, peaceful, and boundaries.

Authentic ego recognizes that the most direct access to change is inside; inauthentic ego seeks to change its state through external means.

Authentic ego recognizes the value of difference and uniqueness, is not threatened by (external) variety, and does not hide its (internal) disparities. Inauthentic ego grasps to make others similar to or different from itself, perceiving that it has access to awareness that others do not have access to.

Authentic ego is interdependent. Inauthentic ego is (hyper) independent and codependent, simultaneously.

It’s imperative, for the well-being of ourselves as individuals as well as for the collective, that we each develop the capacity to understand our unique forms and willingness to stand up for our authentic egos. This is not a one-and-done process, as we all change over time, but a commitment to self-defining and to boundaries against groupthink.

How can I be aware of such things?

Humans are particularly vulnerable to letting whatever we feel emotionally attached to define us.

What people, ideas, places, and things evoke strong emotions (including numbness or avoidance) in you on a regular basis? These will be relationships that you identify with- that you use to describe yourself in response to the question “Who am I?”. Evaluate your relationship with such others for attachment, compulsion, or repulsion.

THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH CLAIMING PERSONAL, CULTURAL, AND COLLECTIVE IDENTITIES. Just be aware that you are doing just that, claiming an identity. And be open to changing the identities you claim if they are no longer serving what you want (what you want = health, happiness, and sufficient resources).

Be aware of the potential for groupthink by evaluating the individuals and groups you spend time in.

Are the people you spend time with leaders (often good leaders are also good followers, at least of a good leader)?

Are the people you spend time with willing to speak an opinion that’s different from the rest of the group?

Are the perspectives of those you spend time with well-thought-out, nuanced, and unique, or are they parroting cultural dogmas?

An effective pro-active measure against groupthink is keeping company with a variety of peoples; especially if these people can all commune together harmoniously. People want to spend time with people who they have things in common with, yes, but imagine if the only things in common among group members are integrity, compassion, skillful communication, creativity, and personal responsibility…

This dynamic creates infinite potential for constructive conversation, ideas, and actions.

Variety is the spice of life. Embrace it all. Discern your authentic ego and stand in it.