Masculine and Feminine Wounds Trigger and Feed Each Other

Control What You Can Control- Do The Inner Work

So many stories running around lately- and the last 10+ years- about ‘toxic masculinity’…

The counter-productivity of feeding this narrative cannot be overstated.

Look, rants attacking ‘the patriarchy', man-hating, and movements to limit the masculine ‘make sense’ in the larger context; the pendulum swings… ⚖️

The feminine has been relatively quiet, unseen, and unexpressed for millennia in most cultures, and in the past 50 or so years experienced a resurgence, a self-realization. The feminine has realized she was being quiet, not showing herself, playing small- and, as always, it’s ‘easier’ to blame others than to take responsibility for ourselves.

So the feminine, having realized her woundedness, attacks the masculine’s woundedness. Again, this makes sense, but is it aligned with what we want?

Don’t we all want to live in harmony with everyone and everything? I imagine that’s the goal of each facet of society, though each has its own way of projecting how it imagines we’ll arrive at that harmony. This projection is typically shrouded by some idea of what’s ‘right’ vs. ‘wrong’.

There are usually many, many layers clouding this desire for systemic harmony, for unity, that can inhibit the desire for this great ideal, the belief that it’s possible, and the actions required (ones unique to each individual) 🧅

Regardless of whether or not you believe it’s possible, or whether or not you believe people are willing to do what it will take to get there, or how far you imagine the human species is from actualizing this reality- of living consciously in harmony, with each other and with nature- isn’t that something we all deeply desire? To live in unity?

The regular projection and blame onto the masculine by feminine wounding is simply perpetuating the problem that the wounded feminine both sees in the wounded masculine and is operating from herself.

What is the problem, then? 🤔

LACK OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.

Imma say it again.

LACK. OF. PERSONAL. RESPONSIBILITY.

We can boil this down, and make it more tangible, by specifying that this self-perpetuating problem is humans’ lack of personal responsibility for their emotions.

To be exact, our emotions are calling to each of us for loving-kindness- they cry for our light of awareness, for our presence. The common reactions are to (1) turn our backs on our emotions so they become deficient or (2) fuel them so they become excessive. Both routes consciously or subconsciously project responsibility for these emotions onto others.

As long as an individual is consciously or subconsciously blaming another (person, place, thing) for their emotions, they will never be able to resolve those emotions because in so blaming they are giving away their power to be present with their emotional state.

This is a tried and true defense mechanism. And, again, we can find sense here- those emotions under the defenses are tender! 🤕

They’ve almost certainly been there since childhood and don’t feel safe to be exposed to the light of awareness. Furthermore, most people don't have the internal or external resources to facilitate such exposure in a supportive, healthy, and cathartic way* so it makes absolute sense that these emotions build up shields- like defensiveness, blame, codependency, regret, elitism, condescension, guilt, shame, and other forms of escapism- to prevent their (unsafe) exposure.

*Though most people don’t currently have the internal or external resources to facilitate such exposure productively, these resources DO EXIST and YOU CAN FIND AND CULTIVATE THEM if you choose to.

Here’s the thing: I’m the only one who can witness and feel my emotions. You’re the only one who can witness and feel yours. To each their own, to each their own, to each their own…

The process of individual enlightenment and embodiment- self-actualization- is the only way to invite regenerative peace, harmony, and clarity to each self and so to the whole.

There are many resources to support each of us on our esoteric journey. And, still, only you can identify what is actually helping you feel, process, change, lighten, open, and ground, separating these influences from what is maintaining or increasing contraction, repression, disharmony, erraticism, and heaviness.

I had a mentor once upon a time who told me, “There are two kinds of business: your business and not your business.” Basically, my business is everything I can control. Not my business is everything else 😳

It’s amazing, how much the external world changes when one focuses on oneself. It’s a harder path short-term, yes, but the payoff in the long run includes better health, more fulfillment, more peace, a sense of wholeness, and pretty much whatever you genuinely want. In my experience, this is a VERY good deal.

I believe we all deeply desire unity, whether we’re aware of it or not. Whether we conceptualize that as coming from a sense of Source/God, or the sense of oneness we all have as babies with our mothers, or simply a sense that despite our individuality we are all parts of one system, this craving for unity will not be denied.

So, what’s in the way?

Primally, our repressed emotions and then internalization of such as physical pain and illness. These emotional and physical patterns become layered in thought and story, and so we perpetuate and reinforce the very things we would let go of in an instant if we could 😔

At the core, for most (all?) of us, is the crux that we’ve interpreted the lack of harmony in our world as ‘my fault’. If I had only done this or not done that… If I was only more that or less this… What must I do to change how things are…

That last point lightly hits the nail on the head: what we resist persists. Any attempts to ‘change how things are’ in a forceful push-and-pull way will be met with equal opposite resistance. The only way to create harmony and peace is with presence, acknowledgment, and acceptance of what is.

I’ve been telling my clients, “Here are the five steps to fulfillment: (1) be present with myself, (2) know myself, (3) accept myself, (4) love- be grateful for and honor- myself, and (5) express- share- myself.”

Notice, all of these things are my business.

This is a continually evolving process, layer after layer after layer, forever and ever. It doesn’t end, but it does change. And, over time, it changes for the better! Life becomes more exciting, more joyful, more peaceful, more manageable, less triggering, more ‘in control’, and less clingy. All because of the inner work…

I feel for the cries of both the wounded feminine and wounded masculine. I’m grateful for their emergence; I’m especially grateful for the emergence of the wounded feminine in men and of the wounded masculine in women. These parts of us are asking for our conscious awareness, for our love. They have important lessons to teach and beautiful gifts to give.

We must turn inward to do this work- with as much external support as we honestly need, yes- but the true work is inside.

And guess what? 😊

When we do the inner work, outer life becomes play 🤸🏻‍♀️ As we melt and burn away anything inside that divides us- anything that stands in the way of unity, wholeness, and connection- as we heal the wounded inner child, that inner child transforms our experience of life into one of play, joy, hope, and optimism. As we integrate this inner child into our adulthood, we balance spontaneity with presence, ecstasy with peace, energy with steadiness, and on and on. We feel whole.

The answers aren’t out there. The answers are inside. They are the things you wish to avoid. They are what you’ve been pushing away. They are the least desirables, the darkness, the numbness, the malice. They are the feelings that you’ll crawl out of your skin, burst into flames, and rip out your heart. They are the feeling of nothing that stands in the way of you feeling more than you know how to feel.

Look inside. Ask for help. Our wounds call to us for love ❤️‍🔥

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