Mom, Dad~ I Love You ❤️

Strengthening Foundations...Transmuting Perceived Rejection

As I slowly but surely approach my 30s, watch my goals shift and my personality mature, I’m noticing a significant theme of my 20s: making my parents “wrong” 🤔

Really, this started long before my 20s, but it wasn’t until 22 years of age or so that I mustered enough brash confidence and mental acuity to really convince myself that I was in a good position to see clearly the how’s and why’s that have guided my mom and dad’s lives, particularly in the context of their self-parenting and their parenting of myself and my brother.

And, boy, have I been convinced that I could see them clearly, criticize them well, and overflowing with advice for how they might improve their lives ❗️

Needless to say, this shadow of mine has been challenging, especially in my relationship with my parents. In emerging from this shadow, I have a much deeper appreciation for the unconditional love that they’ve both offered me, to the absolute best of their abilities, for my entire life.

About two years ago, I began to recognize that my desire to have my parents be other than they are, and my projecting of that attachment onto them, was quite unfair and debilitating to them, me, and our relationships. Furthermore, I could recognize that any “making wrong” being projected towards them from me was only evidence of my shadow: my self-judgment, avoidance, hyper-criticism, and lack of personal responsibility. The process of learning to love my mom and dad honestly has been grueling at times; and, as of late, oh so rewarding.

I had become so ideological, so dogmatically charged, about the differences between my parents and me.