"Women's Anatomy of Arousal"

Down the Yoni Hole...

First and foremost I give thanks and credit to Sheri Winston, the author of the book “Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure”, whose work inspires this post as well as other content I’ve put out over the years.

There are a number of simple actions I can name that I believe, if taken by even 30% of people, would dramatically change our world for the better. One of these actions is the reading, understanding, and application of the aforementioned book.

There is a stark lack of understanding and appreciation for female & feminine sexuality in Western culture; not a new reality, but one we are reaping the abundant consequences of in present times. While the lurking tone underlying Western sexuality is a very negative, repressive, and shameful one, the vast majority of any sex-positive messages have a very imbalanced, masculine-polarized lens. And the physiological reality is that male and female sexual anatomies work in very different ways.

So it’s no wonder that our culture is so confused, shamed, guilted, ignorant, resentful, angry, and out of harmony when it comes to matters of sex and gender! It can be tempting to see this imbalance as a reason to cling to conservative, repressive sexual values- i.e., see what happens when we let the cat out of the bag- but let’s expand to a greater viewpoint, by adding more context to our models of sexual culture.

What we resist persists. When we resist and deny desire, arousal, ecstasy, longing, and bodily sensations…do they go away?

Notice- the question is not “Can you ignore the feelings?” or “How long can you ignore the feelings for?” or “Do the feelings shift into other expressions of unmet needs?”

The path to self-actualization is one of embracing truth as what is- what is observable through direct experience. There is abundant data available to each of us through our direct experience- much of this data is ignored, suppressed, or fought within the subconscious mind as we struggle to maintain an illusion of control based on false data fed to us by the outside world.

“Do not believe anything because it is said by an authority, or if it is said to come from angels, or from Gods, or from an inspired source. Believe it only if you have explored it in your own heart and mind and body and found it to be true.” — Buddha

And what are we often met with when we confront our insides?

FEELINGS

Including…

longing to experience ecstasy, unity, connection, and altered states of consciousness

INCLUDING

through sexual arousal.

Something I have observed in my sexual experiences with men is that, regardless of the crust & rust & ignorance on the surface, they seem to genuinely desire to give a woman sexual pleasure.

VERY unfortunately, many men are inept in this venture—they do not have the tools, knowledge, or self-awareness to stimulate the depths of arousal in their partners.

Even MORE unfortunately, most women don’t possess enough self-knowledge to guide their partners, offer instructions, or even say “no” when something is done to them that doesn’t feel good.

And we all experience the backlash of this cultural ignorance every day, in the projections of despair from those who deeply long for physical, mental, psychological, emotional, and sexual fulfillment (and yes—wholistically & intentionally, sexual experiences meet all of these needs). At “best” this backlash eats away the insides of the individual experiencing the despair, at “worst” it projects as violence and forced control towards others.

Somehow, so many of us have bought into the idea that limiting our sexual experience will end up providing us with more fulfillment. Others have bought into the polarized limitation, that being entirely wild and carefree (and so, unintentional and avoidant of consequences) will offer fulfillment to the craving inside. Ultimately, both of these routes amplify feelings of lack and unworthiness.

As with so many issues, a relatively simple—and exponentially effective—response is to…educate!

This can be difficult, particularly if one’s current mental model of sexuality is reinforced by shame, guilt, fear, anger, etc.

Synchronistically, arousal (sexual and otherwise) is a sacred and wholely effective tool for breaking through such emotional blocks.

“You’re Not Broken

If your experience of sexuality isn’t all you wish it were, if you feel in any way inadequate or limited, ashamed of your desires or embarrassed by your deficits, please listen carefully…it is not you who is broken. It isn’t your fault that you haven’t learned the skills you need to access your pleasure, own your orgasms or heal your wounds. How many of us have been shamed for our lustful longings, secret fantasies and private acts, rather than honored for our desires and celebrated for our ability to get turned on and ecstatic! We live in a world that not only doesn’t support healthy sexuality but actively undermines it, making you think there’s something wrong with you or your partner.

To repeat: you’re not irreparably damaged, and you didn’t get cheated when they handed out sexual potential. No matter where you are sexually, you can start on the path of progress by doing one simple thing—consciously deciding to set out on a learning journey. From that point on, things will get better and better. Over time you’ll learn to access your erotic abilities, overcome your inhibitions and claim your authentic freedom.” — Women’s Anatomy of Arousal